Personality Problems With Other People

There are millions of people today who are self-conscious, shy, timid, ill-at-ease in social situations, who feel inferior and never realize that their real problem is a human relations problem. It never seems to get across to them that their failure as a is really a failure in learning to deal successfully with other people.

There are almost as many who, at least om the surface, seem to be the very opposite of the shy, retiring type. They appear to be self-assured. They are “bossy” and dominate any social group they are in, whether it is the home, the office, or the club. Yet they too realize that something is missing.

They wonder why their employees or their families do not appreciate them.

They wonder why other people don’t cooperate more willingly, why it is necessary to continually force people into line.

And most of all, they realize in their more candid moments that the people they are most anxious to impress never really give them the approval and acceptance that they crave. They attempt to force cooperation, to force loyalty and friendship, to force people to produce for them, but the one thing they cannot force is the thing they want the most. They cannot force other people to like them, and they never really get what they want because they have never mastered the art of dealing with other people.

Bonaro Overstreet, in her book Understanding Fear in Ourselves and Others, says that disruptive emotional problems always have their root in our relations with other people. “The human being experiences fear when his car skids on an icy highway; but such fear does not distort his personality. He experiences pain when he drops a hammer on his foot; but such pain does not foster a brooding hostility… The one loss he cannot tolerate and remain in emotional health is loss of good will between himself and his fellow humans.”

People are here to stay

Whether we like it or not, people are here to stay. In our modern world we simply cannot achieve any success or happiness without taking other people into account.

The doctor, the lawyer, the salesman who enjoys the most success is not necessarily the man who is the most intelligent, or the most skillful in the mechanics of his job. The salesgirl who sells the most goods and has more fun doing it is not necessarily the most beautiful or the brainiest

The husband and wife who are the happiest are not the ones with the prettiest faces or the most he-man physiques.

Look for a in any line and you will find a man or woman who has mastered the knack of dealing with people – a person who has a “way” with others.

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