Why is YOU such a powerful word? Because when we were infants, we thought we were the center of the universe. Nothing mattered but ME, MYSELF, and I. The rest of the shadowy forms stirring about us (which we later learned were other people) existed solely for what they could do for us. Self-centered little tykes that we were, our tiny brains translated every action, every word, into, “How does that affect ME?”

People haven’t changed from that infant stage. Adults camouflage their self-centeredness under a mask of civilization and politeness. Yet the human brain still immediately, instinctively, and unfailingly translates everything into terms of “How does that affect ME?”

Use the Pleasure-Pain Principle

The pleasure-pain principle is a guiding force in life. Psychologists tell us everyone automatically gravitates toward that which is pleasurable and pulls away from that which is painful. For many people, thinking is painful.

How do successful people use the pleasure-pain principle to their advantage when they wish to control, inspire, be loved by, sell to people, or get them to go to dinner? They do the thinking for them.

They translate everything into the other person’s terms by starting as many sentences as they can with that powerful little three-letter word, YOU. Putting YOU first gets a much better response, especially when you’re asking a favor, because it pushes the asker’s pride button.

Suppose you want to take a long weekend. You decide to ask your boss if you can take Friday off. Which request do you think he or she is going to react more positively?

“Can i take Friday off, Boss?”

Or this one: “Boss, can YOU do without me Friday?”

When you use Comm-YOU-nication and learn to sprinkle YOU as liberally as salt and pepper throughout your conversation, your listeners find it an irresistible spice.

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Talking the Winner’s Way: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Business and Personal Relationships

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It’s not “he who dies with the most toys wins.” It’s “he who has the most time to play with his toys and the most fun playing with them who wins.” In other words: all work and no play means a life of all ego and no spirit.

True success is not about making lots of moola so you can get yourself expensive toys for your ego – nor is it about getting yourself a cure, sexy person for your ego. True success is about satisfying your spirit with things. For instance, your ego looks at a cute, sexy person and says, “Yum, yum. I want that person.” But your spirit is smarter. It looks at loving, joyous couples and things, “Mmmm, i want that job, that happiness, that love.”

Your spirit wisely knows: it’s not a mate’s superficial qualities that ultimately make you happy, but the dynamic this mate and you have together – and this blissful feelings this mate can give you in your true heart.

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There are almost as many who, at least om the surface, seem to be the very opposite of the shy, retiring type. They appear to be self-assured. They are “bossy” and dominate any social group they are in, whether it is the home, the office, or the club. Yet they too realize that something is missing.

They wonder why their employees or their families do not appreciate them.

They wonder why other people don’t cooperate more willingly, why it is necessary to continually force people into line.

And most of all, they realize in their more candid moments that the people they are most anxious to impress never really give them the approval and acceptance that they crave. They attempt to force cooperation, to force loyalty and friendship, to force people to produce for them, but the one thing they cannot force is the thing they want the most. They cannot force other people to like them, and they never really get what they want because they have never mastered the art of dealing with other people.

Bonaro Overstreet, in her book Understanding Fear in Ourselves and Others, says that disruptive emotional problems always have their root in our relations with other people. “The human being experiences fear when his car skids on an icy highway; but such fear does not distort his personality. He experiences pain when he drops a hammer on his foot; but such pain does not foster a brooding hostility… The one loss he cannot tolerate and remain in emotional health is loss of good will between himself and his fellow humans.”

People are here to stay

Whether we like it or not, people are here to stay. In our modern world we simply cannot achieve any success or happiness without taking other people into account.

The doctor, the lawyer, the salesman who enjoys the most success is not necessarily the man who is the most intelligent, or the most skillful in the mechanics of his job. The salesgirl who sells the most goods and has more fun doing it is not necessarily the most beautiful or the brainiest

The husband and wife who are the happiest are not the ones with the prettiest faces or the most he-man physiques.

Look for a Success in any line and you will find a man or woman who has mastered the knack of dealing with people – a person who has a “way” with others.

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Successful people, like successful businesses, live with these questions:

“How can i improve the quality of my performance? How can i do better?”

Absolute perfection in all human undertakings from building missiles to rearing children is unattainable. This means there is endless room for Improvement. Successful people know this, and they are always searching for a better way.

The successful person doesn’t ask, “Can i do it better?” He knows he can. So he phrases the questions:

“How can i do it better?”

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